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PostSubject: Marriage Software   Marriage Software Icon_minitimeMon Feb 11, 2008 1:47 pm

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to our systems analyst
(Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Koi 5.0", "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Pond cleaning 9.0", "Koi Hunting 3.5 and "Koi Forum 3.1" always fails and "Saturday Grocery Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?


Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1..0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1 " (Short Skirt Version)
or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.


Yours, Systems Analyst.
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PostSubject: Re: Marriage Software   Marriage Software Icon_minitimeThu Feb 14, 2008 11:09 pm

Seems to me this guy needs to setup 'n duel boot with WIFE 1.0 on the one side and GIRL FRIEND 8.0 on the other while maintaining them on different hard drive partitions with an active firewall. Then KOI EVENTS 3.0 can be rUn while NEED TO WORK LATE 7.0 and NEED TO GO TO OFFICE 7.1 is active on WIFE 1.0 and GIRL FRIEND 8.0.

Just be carefull because GIRL FRIEND 8.0 might accidently run Child Processing which will result in GIRL FRIEND 8.0 wanting a upgraded to WIFE 2.0 which is incompatible with WIFE 1.0 on the hardware LEGAL SYSTEM 1.0 that he is currently running.

It will help to run VASCETOMY 100 which is a permanent patch to prefent Child Processing from loading accidently on GIRL FRIEND 8.0. DUREX 9.9 could be used as a tempory patch to prevent Child Processing from being loaded into memory while GIRL FRIEND 9.0 is active.

Alternately COME OUT OF CLOSET 1.0 can be used to delete WIFE 1.0 and GIRL FRIEND 8.0 which will make more time available for KOI EVENTS 3.0. But COME OUT OF CLOSET 1.0 has bugs in it that open some security backdoors to worms like BOY FRIEND 1.1.

It is far easier to stay with WIFE 1.0 while running GET WIFE INTRESTED IN KOI 0.2. Sometimes LET WIFE PICK FISH 0.1 has to be allowed to run to keep KOI EVENTS 3.0 around.

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